im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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