After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
