I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
