need another drink. this is the easiest way
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I need a beard to bite.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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