If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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