You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My breasts were aching with rage.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
