ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
