Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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