I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
