just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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