mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
