someone threw a dead crab at me
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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