where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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