I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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