Swine flu. Run for my life!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Found the puke drawer
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
