i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
im having a threesome with these popsicles
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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