he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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