I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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