we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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