Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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