Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
