I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
