I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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