No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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