Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
