you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My life is pants optional.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
