Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Randomize
