I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
