i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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