OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
