Sry I called you an 8
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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