i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
