apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
