People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
