They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
