I wish my penis had an off switch
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
