I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
So squirting runs in the family.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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