Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
