For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
