We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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