Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
