Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Randomize
