1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
