That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
