So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
