I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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