My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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