i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
