The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
