just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
