she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
