The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
