Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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