This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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