Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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