I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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