May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
