she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
