When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
