one might say we're banned from that church
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
