I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I have fence marks all over my body
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
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