Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
