I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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