no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
