Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
